nemof.org blog

Overslept today (not a revelation eh) and had a bizarre dream. It wasn’t a nightmare by any means, I rarely/never have them. However it was pretty violent and weird.

OK, imagine a massive room with steel panel walls. The walls are like segments of chocolate, sunken into the wall. I am not myself but another person. I frequently have dreams where I am not myself, but someone else. I never dream about people I know. Therefore these people (there were about 6 or so of them) were entirely fictional characters.

Suddenly these insects appear all over the walls. They are all fractal in nature. Just imagine giant earwigs and centipedes that look like fractals repeating, red segmented bodies writhing up and down the wall.

I think at this point it stopped being first person and became third. I often have dreams that change Poinf Of View. Imagine being first person, then suddenly zooming to third person so you are watching the scene, but not part of it.

Insects are writhing all over the walls, a man has a machine gun and insects are crawling all over his arm. All I can remember is him flicking them off his arm then I think, I think they attack everyone.

One of them looks like a mix of face-hugger and insect, and latches onto someone’s face driving a sharp proboscis through their eye. That person stands up, changed. The insects are changing people and making them deranged, evil. That person gets up and draws a knife from their inside suit pocket.

Everyone is getting changed till it’s me, or the person whose vision I sit behind. The backdrop has changed, and everything is organic and meaty now. A better description I cannot give, the dream has drifted up into the ether.

Well perhaps not a neo-Luddite, but I’m all anti-social baby! I’ve been thinking about what keeps me in Bristol as opposed to moving back to Wales or to Sheffield. It dawned on me last night as I ventured to an art installation and shin-dig in an abandoned garage, with my friends - What keeps me in Bristol is the learning of something that has as of yet eluded me, socialisation.

If you know me then you’re probably aware of what an anti-social, old moaning bastard I can be. It’s not something that I go out of my way to be but sometimes it’s hard to suppress the impulse to hide from the world and if I do have to interact with it, moan. I realized last night I never learnt sociability when I was younger, and so now, here in Bristol this is my new project.

Now to some people growing learning to be sociable and communicative is a necessity, or a pleasure. To me it was neither, and the problem with that is now I am in a city where if you don’t work at communicating with others you would call your friends, they just carry on regardless. I guess I am not quite ready to have an adult sticker, but I am working on it.

Have you ever noticed though when you enter a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable - being sociable in my case - that your mind starts painting alternatives, and saying ‘why are you wasting your time, there’s other things you could be doing?’. My greatest battle is going to be with that little pale limbed twat sitting in a purple velvet reclining chair in my head, pulling little brass levers and bits of twine.

I know that I will never be the most sociable of people, I enjoy my privacy and I enjoy my solitude; However I sometimes, shockingly have a good time in the company of others. When it involves having to seek out their company though, that is where I fall down.

I’ve always felt embarrassed for some reason to seek out others company. I assume that if they wanted my time they would contact me, and that if they don’t it’s because they somehow find me to be boring, annoying, taxing or something even worse. I realize that this is paranoia on my part, and may seem silly to most of you reading this but just because I realize it is paranoia does not mean I can shake it. When you find your head disappearing under water all you want to do is hide.

I write to you on the Day of the Depressed - though I feel anything but that today, let me assure you! Sunday is for many the most depressing day of the week. What the hell are we supposed to do on Sunday. I almost feel like going to Church, sitting in one of the back rows with a ghetto-blaster and playing Satanic Music when the Pastor stands to speak. That would be as useful as anything else you could do on a Sunday - A gloomy one at that!

As I mentioned earlier I happened across an art installation yesterday, a one day special run by I’ve no idea, I think partly the squatters who live there. Among others things there was some very nice Graffiti there. Click on the image below for my photoblog with more shots.

Yes, I realize that the image is cutting over the menu on the right, this is something I need to fix. I’ve intended to completely redo nemof.org design for a while, so I will keep in mind that I enjoy being able to show large images. The only reason that I’ve had a fixed width structure till now is that I cannibalized someone else’s design so I could get my blog up and running quickly. I  hardly even like how it looks these days, so expect changes. sometime. soon. ish. this year. I promise. really.

YARGH! My back is still hurting. oweee. I will get arnica tomorrow and see if that is useful. I have decided that the next two-four weeks will be Nemo gets fit Summer Super Workout. Doomed to fail from the get go this exciting multi-discipline festival gala of events will have fireworks, backpain and lots and lots of blood and sweat.

What, you mean you got this far?

*edit*

Just thought I would add that for amusements sake I thought I would download and watch the infamous ‘Bloodrayne‘, one of the lowest ever scoring films on IMDB. I now understand the phrase: "Uwe Boll bad". Uwe, I hope you die a horrible fucking death, slow, protracted and writhing about on the floor in agony.

Gotta sort out my eating. I’ve taken a step backward. Stop eating so much.

• stop eating so much.
• start doing more.
• wake up at a normal time.
• go to temp agency about work.
• look at self in mirror with something other than total disdain and hate.
• stop eating so much.

of nemof.org. I’ve decided to create a second blog for nemof.org, for articles that I write pertaining to technology, software and other geekery. This blog will keep going but will probably change address slightly as I will keep this as my personal blog where I write about my everyday life, not that it excites anyone but me but it does give me a sense of satisfaction to talk about current happenings.

As for the new blog which I shall set up soon, it will be a base for me to publish articles about technology, tutorials and other journalistic things. I’ve decided to really make a go of web-journalism as it potentially gives me a way out of the rat race I can see in my future if I don’t pull a finger out. With that in mind I have started planning some articles which will start getting written soon, and within the next 2-3 months be published.

I’ve found there are a few things that I have consistently had to help friends with concerning their computers, and so these will be the basis for my new writings. Issues like computer security on the web and on computers will be covered. This will extend to P2P filesharing and how you can safely use platforms such as Bittorrent without having to worry about being monitored or being infected with viruses. I will also write about spyware, how to avoid it and what to do if you end up having problems with your computer.

I’ve recently proved the postulation that ‘if you need something done, ask a busy person’ is true. I in recent times have found myself extremely busy as I am forced into action through lack of procrastination escape routes, and I’ve never found myself more productive than now. Truly my new job is a pain in the ass, but it also gives me sweet, sweet money. With this money I will do the only sensible thing one can do with money, I will build a DIY projector to watch movies on. I’ve also decided that I want to build my own solar panels, as the thought of wasting money on electricity irks me greatly. So to sketch up the next six months:

• Build a DIY Projector
• Build Solar Panels
• Learn Javascript/Flash
• Create a Web Design Portfolio
• Keep on researching and planning book
• Keep gainfully employed to earn Money
• ?

Well if that isn’t enough for the rest of the year, I don’t know what is. I’m extremely surprised to find myself in this situation, creatively. It’s been such a long time since I felt like I produced anything of worth that to be doing so much stuff suddenly, well it doesn’t scare me so much as surprise me.

I met the Horse of Shadows last night in a dream. I’ve never met such a remarkable dream persona before. I can’t describe the feeling that it had surrounding it, but it was incredibly strong and indelible. It’s form was almost hidden, and it’s flanks a rippling reddened colour. I want to meet it again, I know that it’s important. It’s a part of me I’ve been ignoring, or trying to suppress, but it’s time to change it.

While I’m beginning to sound very mystical, I always get a sense of how my dreams connect to my mind. As such I’m going to start keeping a more extensive dream diary, perhaps on the site.  I can’t say the use of it, except to capture a sense of the magic of those unconscious hours.

Well I guess I haven’t stopped procrastinating completely, I am writing this entry rather than packing, so I shall stop now and get on with the things I need to be doing. adieu!

This is a list of things that we big boned people have to think of every day. These laws are sacrosant!